Stupid Songs

Music is the absolute worst. The sad songs make me sadder. The songs that are happy and remind me of him, well, they remind me of him. I wonder about the artists who wrote these. How many times do they sing it in tears? Did they write in tears? Were they done and smiled because all their sorrow found their way to the music and then it was gone? Before You Go….it’s amazing how beautiful that song was to me before Otter’s death. Now it says everything I wanted to say to him. Wish I could have said to him. Wish he knew before he left me. And it’s a goddamn sneaky song…I forget the beginning of the song every damn time and suddenly Lewis big-last-name is belting out “Before you go….” and I’m sobbing and running to the back room so the customers don’t feel sorry for me. Or I’m yelling at Alexa to go to the next fucking song. She should know by now not to play that. Or the Memories song by that hot guy in Maroon 5. I don’t want to bring back the memories. I just want to float in this oblivion like he didn’t exist because than I don’t have to remember. Alexa needs to have a playlist option that omits songs about death or grieving. Because I don’t want to listen to it.